Friday, October 31, 2008:01:57
Okay, I admit. I'm just plain silly, naive and dumb.
I just can't be like what you guys wanted me to be.
I tried, but they are all in vain.
On the way home on the bus just now, I struggled with my tears.. only to have them dripping down on my arm and legs.
I don't know why I'm still dropping tears for him,but I think that's Love.
No matter how much he has changed, the way he is in my heart, the position he has in my heart remained the same throughout.
*
We haven't speak for real long.
I haven't seen him for ages.
Actually I do consider about blogging some really personal stuff,
'cause I know there are those "devils" out there.
If there's anyone out there who's plotting to do evilish things, nobody can stop it. It's fate, everything is all destiny.
If anyone wants to sow discord, please remember there's karma.
If anyone who wants to come in and be a third-party,
then think about if this is your relationship?
Would you want anyone to fucking come in and spoil yours?
*
Nono, I'm just citing some issues. Definitely not pin-pointing anything or anyone.
If you are guilty of all these, I don't think you deserve to be loved by anyone.
Don't love yourself too,you ain't worth any.
Is there any wall around or any building?
Bang your head hard or just jump off then.
This really piss me off.
Forget it, I'm ranting on and on.
I'mjustfeelingdamnfuckingunhappy.
Assignments I didn't complete.
A lot of things I don't understand.
TP's web I couldn't log in.
FUCKFUCKFUCK!
Thursday, October 30, 2008:22:29
你问在我心中 是否还苦恼 那次受伤 否决了爱的好 谢谢你的关照 我一切都好 一个人 不算困扰爱虽然很美妙 却不能为了寂寞 又陷了泥沼爱要耐心等待 仔细寻找 感觉很重要宁可空白了手 等候一次 真心的拥抱我相信在这个世界上 一定会遇到 对的人出现在眼角 那次流过的泪 让我学习到 如何祝福 如何转身 不要在眼泪体会到 与自己拥抱爱不是一种需要 是一种对照 爱虽然很美妙 却不能为了寂寞 又陷了泥沼爱要耐心等待 仔细寻找 感觉很重要宁可空白了手 等候一次 真心的拥抱我相信在这个世界上 一定会遇到 对的人出现 能愿意为了一份爱 付出去多少然后得到多少并不计较当我想清楚的时候 我就算已经准备好放手去爱 海阔天高喔... 耶...爱要耐心等待 仔细寻找 感觉很重要宁可空白了手 等候一次 真心的拥抱我相信在世界上 一定会遇到对的人出现爱要耐心等待 仔细寻找 感觉很重要宁可空白了手 等候一次 真心的拥抱我相信在这个世界上 一定会遇到 对的人出现...I think, this is very true. It's definitely worth the wait.
New song on my blog. :)
:21:23
Okay, it's time for me to update about my life for these few days in school. :D
School is fun, making more friends! TEMASEK POLY ROCKS!
And I swear I will never regret coming in here!
& & & that, for me TP is the best and most happening polytechnic in Singapore! :)
I love school so much that I hope there's no weekend at all. I mean it!
I want to quit work now, forget about money. I want happiness, I realised being in school makes me real happy with my friends and classmates.
I'm going to work hard, real hard for my GPA for the first year.
I'm going to start doing homework for the tutorials tomorrow 'cause I just got the text book.
Actually, I do hope our class will get better.
These are just some misunderstandings but we will pull through them.
I still love my classmates a lot! :D
***
These two days, I have been seeing Kiefer and that is one of the greatest joys in my life you know?! Thanks to Tay Yu Ting, aw I love this sweetie! :) (Cause she won't charge me for seeing the cutie!) I can never get tired of seeing him. And carrying him. He's real adorable! He is four months old now, what a joy to see him grow up slowly and happily! Lucky Ting.
Btw, thanks Auntie and Uncle for dropping me off at Compass Point just now and I'm meeting Yu Ting tomorrow for school again, just like on Wed. I hope I can get to see Kiefer tomorrow!
I told Auntie "Nobody wants me auntie. Can I have Kiefer?! I wait for him to grow up then we can be together!" Auntie asked Kiefer "you want jie jie?" -,-
If doing this makes you happy, I will.
If me being unhappy and upset means nothing to you too.
:20:58
When the day gets tough, I just wish that you are here by my side.A simple message assuring me that everything will be fine,and that will suffice greatly.Even if the sky were to fall, I know that you are here and I will not be afraid.I'm struggling with my heart and mind now.Do you understand?I'm not asking for much from you.I can be strong, and at times I can.I will try to manage and fight back my tears and sometimes, I can.Seeing the things as the way they are now,I feel that we are like total strangers.It hurts me to see you unhappy,but I have been uncontrollably selfish.I know I am.But will you ever show empathy to me?How would you ever feel if we were to exchange our roles?That, I am treating you the way you are treating me now.I know, I can no longer ask for much from you.We are no longer the same, no matter how much I prayed for each night.I just want to say,you will always be here- right here in my heart.
Wednesday, October 29, 2008:02:02
Okay, this is rather random but I just woke up randomly at least fifteen minutes ago, I feel alseep on his bed while waiting for the guy to be home. I was probably too exhausted, I just kind of like fell asleep all the way on his bed since ten plus just now. I expected him to be back but now, but he's still outside there with his colleagues at the coffeeshop at Hougang. Sometimes, I really do realise if one knows the pain of waiting? That if one never tries or experience it, actually waiting can be rather torturous. Patience is indeed a virtue.Anyway, I forgot what I wanted to say ..Just to say, i think some friends in school thought my bangs is rather weird when I went o school yesterday, but I may not consider changing back to my long and usual style of fringe. I love my hair, not that I don't love it. Just that when I'm with my previous fringe, I think people who have first impressions of me will be like "she smokes a lot, she must have club a lot as well." I heard from a lot of people! :(Honestly speaking, I don't have that night life, and I never even smoke a puff before! But I have inhaled a lot, due to the environment(/s) and I have been in. Haha!I like this fringe now as it gives me a total different feeling! More about "being good".But my course mates and friends- some told me it'a rather weird. I had bangs when I was in secondary two and when I was young. Now, I'm back at it again. :DAnyway, the guy is back. Apparently, he is not feeling that well. I'm kind of(actually it's not kind of) I'm worried(very) for his health. He is suffering from insomnia, he told me. I hope he won't fall sick though, it's like he hardly drinks plain water then he don't have a good and balanced diet. Please take care, I and (we) no longer have the luxury of time to be together to go for meals. In that way, I still get to see what he eats you know.But now, when I'm sleeping, he's playing his games on the PC. When he's sleeping, I'm already studying or working. When I finish school, he will be on his way to work. When he finish work and wants to come back home, I will and should be in bed cos it's very late. :cI know I should not expect much, I don't want to say too much. Cos I don't want uncontrollable tears at such hours. I want to stop now, I'm feeling hungry -,-*HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY TO WAN LING GOH! QINGREN AH, I LOVE YOU! <3Enjoy yourself okay, although you are not meeting us but we can have a celebration later! ;D Most importantly, enjoy with your lover. I bet he treats you real good.I won't envy though, I can too in the future. ;P
Tuesday, October 28, 2008:00:50
<3
HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY lover! Remember I will get my D.L before you! ;D
SEE GOT VIP CHARBOR! ;P
GFS ETERNITY!
Okay, hello! I know I should be in bed now, if not I will be so exhausted in school later! I'm waking up at supposingly seven, but see I'm now over at H's house so I have to get my ass up at least by 0645 to prepare and catch bus372 back home! And then, to get myself prepare for school. Today will be all about Macroeconomics, tutorial at 0900-1100 and then lecture at 1200-1400 :D Btw, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY ONE&ONLY DAD! <3Sorry for not updating my blog. I had been so busily working on Friday until Monday. I have to update though, I met up with my girls and you know the very VIP girl was there! She is none other than my precious ZOE YAK! You know, I love her to the bit! ;D(Be touched my dear. Haha. Lets meet up more. I want to kopitiam eat with you, chat with you. Gossip and gossip too. Then, lets go watch the "fire" coming from "Indonesia or "M'sia" hor!")Yes, and I have changed something about myself. Alright, some already seen me in this way. My dearest girlfriends, friends outside and my colleagues..I've cut my long fringe away! I'm the new bang-bangs girl! :DComment when you see me? Haha, I've got some comments already. So far so good.I've to acknowledge the following hairdressers, namely Kathy(my sister!) and B's mommy!Cos Kat and I were rushing on Friday, it turned out my bangs wasn't really straight.Yesterday, on 27thOct B's mom sort of revamp it for me! Thanks ladies!Yesterday was my cousin, Celine's birthday. Happy 19th birthday to her. :)Tomorrow, 29thOct is my beloved girl's birthday.. GOH QINGREN! ;PI love her so much, thanks girls for being here.. ;D But I will certainly love you more if you upload my pictures for me you know!?***Anyway, I feel better now girls. You know, you girls(gfs) matter a lot. You all really do, your words of advices helped me too, just like how B's mom is always there for me, Man Si(I want you to be strong) she's always so selfless. She is a good sister to have. Liping- my fishball sis who will be there for me when I need her. Although we hardly contact, but I love her to the max. And Mdm Sharifah, she is real sweet! I love her lots! && most most best best TTC head(can you see this?!) HUI WEN! I love you man, I will meet up with you soon. You're so supportive and nice. Not forgetting Pei Ying(my fiancee!)- for being with me on Friday during those moments. I will give you the gift soon! ;DI love my TP mates, my 1r02 beloved classmates. ;DThursday, October 23, 2008:14:45
I'm currently in Business Lab in school now, with Li Ying and Pei Yun. Keeren left for her CDS at 1400. We still have one hour and fifteen more minutes to go and it will Psychology tutorial for all of us, though we are all in different classes. :)
What's that smiley face for? Actually I'm not feeling happy at all. Not at all, note that.
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Truth to be told, I'm at a loss for words. :(
"Responsible is not just a word, it is an action."
Wednesday, October 22, 2008:01:53
05TH-07THOCTOBER!
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B's dad, Leroy, B, Me, b's Mom <3(I love this picture!)
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Leroy, Baby, Fook Kee, Marcus, Jashawn and Clement. :)
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(From top) Baby, Clement, Fook Kee, Gordon, Leroy, Marcus, Jashawn and Sarah :).jpg)
Samantha(that's Baby's cousin) & me..jpg)
In the arcade, at E-hub, 06thOct08.Photographer:Clement Goh.This post here is especially dedicated for pictures of us.
From Leroy's 18th birthday chalet on 05th-07thOCTOBER2008. :)Then, I also have pictures here on Baby&Beth's 21st monthsary on 18thOctober. :)18thOCTOBER!
Sam and I. We camwhored for quite a bit! :POn the train, to P.S.
Girl, you have to have confidence in yourself! :) Believe in yourself!
Good luck for your O's sweetie! :D
Leroy& Sam :D
Sam& Gordon :P
Clement& Sam.
Sam& Tiong(Auntie got gf already :D Congrats!)
"Forever and always, my sweetheart."
18th October- Worked as usual, until 1800. Initially, I really thought we were not able to catch a movie and go out for dinner or he may not even spend some time with me. Cause I remembered he told me "I'm working" it was then- yes, I was truly very disappointed.
But what can I possibly say? Cause he told me if he work, he get to earn money. But if he goes out with me, he don't earn any money at all and he had this "opportunity cost".
This is, if he choose to spend that amount of time on his work, he can earn morte money rather than going out with me and spending money. I know this sucks, and it hurts.
In the end, I called him and he called and so the line was engaged. In the end, he told me he is not working for that day(it's not for me, or for us) but I was already very elated! You see, truth to be told- I waited for thirty days just to spend a few hours out of a full whole day just to be with him alone, you know twosome-ly. This is the truth. Very true. Actually only my close and loved ones know. I will just learn to be more understanding.
In the end, everyone met together. We went down to Plaza Singpura, we caught the movie "Burn after reading" and yes, I snoozed off. Completely not my cup of tea. Yucks! Anyway, they said the guy is Brad Bitt, I am like "Who's that?" I only hear his name before, but I don't think he's good-looking. I don't think my friends will love this show. So don't catch this movie. I wanted to watch Eagle Eye or Connected! :(
We took Night-ridder NR6 home and roamed ard 300plus area after that. I'm already very contented to see him and spent the day, with him around and with so many friends. :)
As a matter of fact, ever since he started working as this Starhub promoter, I do get to see him very little except for the fact that if I stay over, I get to see him more. That's why I spend more time here than in my own house. When he's sleeping, I will be like studying in the past(cos I just entered TP in April) then when I rushed back from school to his house, if I am lucky I get to see him for an hour plus. Then he will go off to work, then I will have to wait four-five hours until I get to see him for thirty to forty-five mins before I take the last bus home. On weekends, I can then stay over.
For now I'm working and studying, he will still be working. I really get very little time with him. Cause he has to commit to his work, I feel very proud of him 'cause he was the top salesman. Then, he is already a team leader now and he has his own namecards. He's capable, and from what I see- he had grown and mature and I'm happy for him. I really am. Although I get to see him very little, when he comes back home- he actually goes straight to his PC or start mahjong-ing and not to me(or to my embrace.)
But I understand, actually I have gave him quite a lot of freedom. I let him do his things. I have learnt to trust him better now. I really hope I can be happier. Once, he told me I should be more independent 'cause next year, he will be going into the army. I admit, I rely a lot on him. He's my best and closest friend, he's my soul mate but he had changed a lot.
I'm still holding on. I really don't like to think of the fact that others may not be happy that we are(still) together. I really wonder why- some of us got and is still in a relationship and we fear the pain of losing the one we loved but yet, some do things to harm others' relationship. I don't want to think of anything now. I don't know what I'm talking about.
Sometimes, I really wished I can be like what you guys want of me. I'm sorry.
***
Actually it hurts, it really do when I remembered your words.
Your actions.
At a lot of times, I don't know what I'm holding on for.
I don't know what caused your changes, but I know for sure no matter how much you changed-
my love for you leland, it remained true, strong and real.
Why don't you love me, the way I loved you?
Tuesday, October 21, 2008:23:58
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20thOct.
21stOct.
Faceless B. (you'll always be the one.)
B and Bebe.
That's Clement, the loner boy. Jk.
Went to school today for Marcoeconomics lecture only, from twelve to two after which I bought a take-away Chicken Chop from Design School back for B. :) Was having lunch with dearest 1r02 pals at Design school at school. It was pouring in the afternoon and then I had to rush in the rain to B's house. Was quite glad that I got to spend a little twosome time with him :) 'Cause I hardly get to, ever since he started this job. Bla bla bla.
And B lost his wallet last night, poor guy. His IC, ez-link card, debit cards, our picture and neo prints then the card i placed inside for him + all his rubbish arcade cards were all gone!
:( Actually I'm sad and happy about this. Oops. But I know B is going to spend extra money just because of all these cards, my heart feels sore 'cos a little part of his hard-earned money will go in there.
I do hope though, that little kind soul who came by his wallet will just take the cash and dump the wallet back in the coffeeshop where he was in Woodlands last night.
B and I met up with Clement and Gordon for dinner for the evening. B went to the police station to report the loss of IC first. Then he called up POSB to settle the other cards..
Then we had dinner and hang around at SKCC. Then we went back to H's house :)
***
Yesterday was the first day of school, and it was a long day yesterday.(0900-1900)
Woke up in the early morning, took 88(I preferred the bus 27 so much more 'cos I love the route better) no choice as if I went ahead to take 27 at 0800 there would be no space to go up and needless to say, seats too. Communication skills in the morning from 0900-1100 then followed by Principle of Retail Management lecture after which I went to Tampines Mall with my darling classmates to Seoul Garden and had buffet!
Frankly, this was my first trip there, and all nine of us ate all the way from one plus and ate and chatted until four. I'm glad school resumed 'cause I miss my classmates and school.
Temasek Poly- the place to be! :) I don't regret my choice in coming here, just that I do regret myself for not working hard in secondary school and not being able to excel. Well, for now- all I want is to priortise myself and get myself back in top form- for studies I mean.
I told myself, I will not give myself an excuse to skip school again or take any leave. My parents work and slog hard all of their lives, hoping to see me and my two siblings through our education, and seeing us to grow up being healthy and happy and to have a bright future. So, I musn't let them down anymore. I will really learn to be better.
*
Anyway, I have no school tomorrow as we Retail Accounting was cancelled, and there's no tutorial for first week of school.
Is there any one who gets her/his CDS Psychology and is in T04?! o.O
Hello hello, 'cause I'm in there.
Monday, October 20, 2008:00:20
In the arcade :)
We must be mad -,-
This girl rocks, my fiancee :)
Long time uh, since this.
Threesome <3>
Talking about Pei Ying .. and yes, she is definitely getting more efficient in uploading pictures now! :)
These are our pictures for the meet-up in AMK hub, on a very night after most of the girls' school. I love my girls.
***
Actually I do miss my girls very much, especially when I get to see them so little. All of them are in different schools as me. Well, I knew it when we chose our schools and courses, and with our O's grades..
I missed the times in secondary school, the days we used to skip MT lessons and sit in the corridor and talked, until recess! The way we used to hide in the toilets and snap shoot and talked like there's no lesson being conducted. The way we played games during English period always as a group..
The way we rushed like nobody' business just because we wanted to queue up fast and grab our bowls of laska + $1 wanton to go with. That way, so familiar that we will always be together, sitting in our usual place during recess. Everything takes(took) place that way, sometimes I see them playing all over again and again in my mind, just like our favourite music or video we are humming in the back of our head.
I guess, I used to take them all for granted.. That, we will never separate. That all of us will still stick as one, as a group. And so far, we are all already in the second semester in our schools and that, all of us have already our very own cliques of new friends who rock our life just as well. They brings us joy and cheer us up when we need somebody.
Girls, I just wanna say I miss you all so much.
I know I have making a lot of you worried about me(in this year especially), when I get too emotional and cry over the phone about my relationship with him.
I know, I have not been myself.. truly.I was(and still am) too obessed with Love, which is not really a good thing.
I told you all, I confided in you all.
At times when I felt so lonely and feel my heart aching, I still remembered the advice you all gave me. I still remember your words. I know.
Actually, me myself and I know but you know, I have sunk this deep.
I know, you girls will always be here for me, just like I'm here for all of you.
ZOE*
WAN LING*
ALINE*
JANET*
YINING*
(My darlings, my girlfriends)
This song, yes it's about Love.
But I have decided to post part of its lyrics here.
*
I could not fathom that I would ever be without your love
Never imagined I'd be sitting here beside myself
'Cause I didn't know you, 'cause I didn't know me
But I thought I knew everything I never felt
Who else am I gon' lean on when times get rough
Who's gonna talk to me on the phone 'til the sun comes up
Who's gonna take your place there ain't nobody better
Oh, baby baby, we belong together, baby (girls)!
Saturday, October 18, 2008:00:55
Cos I realised I forgot this picture, so it's up here.
At least, I smiled here.
On this day, I want to be sad no more, shed no tears.
Do you remember this day?
Do you?
如今我还在原地 你却走回你的记忆 ..
你说我爱你太多 就快要把你淹没 ..
我想要的那片天空 你是不是能够给我*
Friday, October 17, 2008:21:45
Gfs <3 id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5258133132605297042" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9OKrs9cdRiqiJQ5jAqe9-jP2H5EPpgHFcM4TLcpFK6wiEdxWmOqWMwtpWh3YWOS8eQ-G_-izTRnX0b6mb7XSklDO86eo9kWppoTnHRISN5-BYZ6KCc2Hm1RKTniN4wTL2RJjH6jeazoqW/s400/0007kg2p.jpg" border="0"> us!
they are my darlings forever !
;D
ALINE& LING!
THEM AGAIN! ;D
Love& I ;P
SWEETIES!
QINGRENS*
Hello hello! I'm here to update, school is starting on Monday. And, I got my new timetable yesterday just like everyone else! :D Thanks to Sabrina! While I was working yesterday, she was on the phone with me checking my timetable and CDS for me. Thanks sweetie! <3
I can't wait to start school seriously! Oh my, and I got Psychology! Yes yes, it's also my first choice! ;D Congratulations to everyone else who got their desired CDS, just like me!:)
Lets work hard together and earn more credits.
Then, I think I'm still continuing to work even after school resumes. You see, I have to earn my own money if I want to obtain the things on my wish-list. :) Or any kind soul out there, you know you can volunteer to get them for me. (I'm being bhb here, ignore me :P)
Anyway, after work yesterday I went to meet up with my darlings, and Bing Yuan is the lucky guy of the day. I met them at AMK hub, but I got to meet them shortly only :(
Lol :D I'm so happy to meet up with my girls you know. They are so precious to me, girls I love you all so much!
Yining Bestie, Man Si, Aline, Wan Ling, Janet and Pei Pei! <3
***
Anyway, B got his new phone today. His bro got his yesterday, they got the same phone-Sony Ericsson W980. And I'm so .. interested about getting a new phone too! I think, it will be either Nokia.. or I want to try Samsung! Is Omnia good? Did I spell correctly?
Thursday, October 16, 2008:02:10
Definitely very nice of me to accompany her for the bus.
Loves.
:)
xoxo.
Yes yes, TP is always lying :c I didn't get to see the new timetable yet! I'm pretty nervous, I mean with the new subjects. I wondered what I will get .. I bet some of you are too.
Anyway, I still have to get to work later, supposingly to meet up with my girls for dinner later at night. However, I may not make it in time :c
So on my off day, namely 14thOctober Tuesday, I was out at Bugis with Aline and Sarah. Haha, we did some shopping. More items for school, more choices ;D Isn't that great?
Anyway, Sarah left shortly while Love and I left for Orchard..
Then we went back to SK. The kopitiam finally started operating after a month so of renovation! Luckily, my favourite food stall is still there! Some pictures :)
Yesterday, 15th Oct- worked as usual. Not feeling well though.
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